Going with the Flow

Thursday, September 19

Today we find ourselves in Carpentersville, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago staying with Circus’ dad for a few days. Our trip through California flowed so easily, you’d have thought we planned it….which we didn’t at all. Monday morning we re-packed our things on the boat in Eureka and walked about 6 blocks to the local bus stop with Duane and Sandy. A 20 minute bus ride later, we walked about ½ mile to the nearest Hwy on-ramp where we staked a good post for hitchhiking down Hwy 101. Not more than 15 minutes later, a nice guy named Scooby stopped to pick us up and drove us about 100miles south towards the town of Willits, just into Mendocino County. He took us to a little spring and showed us a few great forest and coastal vistas. I hadn’t been on that road since my college roommate and I took a road trip in 2002 and driving through the Redwoods brought back a lot of great memories of that trip. It is really a beautiful drive, if you haven’t done it I highly suggest driving from the Washington coast down through the California coast on the coastal highway.

We had nearly reached the end of our ride when we pulled into a gas station just before a white VW van. The driver got out and looked like a friendly 20-something kid so we asked him if he was headed south and if we could get a ride. He discussed it with his girlfriend, riding shotgun, and sure enough we hopped in the back of the van on a comfy bed and took off for their home in Oakland. Very convenient since we were headed to SFO a few days later and knew people in San Francisco. About 10 minutes down the road, though, I realized that my day pack was missing (the one that has my wallet, passport, computer, etc) and that I left it at the gas station. Will, the driver, graciously turned the van around to retrieve it and Circus called the Chevron to see if it was still there. Sure enough, it was sitting by pump #3 where we had changed vehicles, untouched. We gave heaps of thanks (since Circus’ wallet had already been lost a week before, meaning lots of trouble and very kind friends in Seattle to get a new debit card and ID before we leave the country next week) and soon were back on the road southbound. It’s a calm drive through wine country and into warmer, dryer climate before reaching the big city.

We got into San Francisco around 8pm, just as it got dark, and took the BART under the bridge and into San Francisco where my cousin, Andy kindly picked us up and put us up for 2 nights. After 3 weeks of being on the boat and in little harbor towns, it was fun to have a day in San Francisco, which is a fun city. We had a great day on Tuesday and did take the Adventure Cat, a catamaran, around the bay and under the Golden Gate Bridge. It was so windy (20+ knots consistently) that the America’s Cup race had been called off but we did get to see the boats preparing for the race before it was canceled. The catamaran ride was really fun and great that Circus got to go under the bridge. Andy and I had dinner at a delicious Greek restaurant near his apartment and chatted about travel, relationships, and city living.

Wednesday morning we had our hands full re-evaluating the WAY too heavy packs we had brought from Seattle with considerations for airplane packing and weight. Our travel bags consist of a 70 liter backpack for me, an 80 liter pack for Circus, a day-pack each and a small Camel-Pak. We have so much stuff! More than I’ve ever backpacked with before, by far. Unfortunately, we just don’t know in what situations we will find ourselves in the next year + and want to be prepared. We’d rather take what we have, since we have it, than have to buy something again in the near future. After about 3 hours, we had lessened our load enough to get our big packs under 50lbs (mine just squeaked by), with stuffed carry-on luggage as well. We will have to pare down again, and re-evaluate as we go, hopefully dropping more stuff than we pick up. We’ll try to live by the 1-for-1 philosophy, when you pick up something you have to leave something behind.

Now we are settled at Circus’ dad’s house and will spend time with his family for the next week. This morning the gods showed their might with monsoon rain and thunder crashes just overhead. I was doing my morning practice at the time and was reminded of my last week in Thailand and doing yoga under the massive week-long rain storm that flooded the country. We do have to pull up our last “to-do” lists today, including a trip to REI this morning, calling Air India, booking a hotel for our 19 hour layover in Delhi next Friday, and a few more small tasks. Time to crack open the very heavy Lonely Planet India I’ve been carrying around for the past 3 years again (we’re definitely switching to Kindle/e-book guide books next time!)

Now that we’re here I’m getting excited to get to India next week and be in Shillong for 4 weeks. I’m still being mindful of being present and being in Chicago for the first time is also something I’ve been looking forward to. And trying to let go of expectations and be open to it all. Again and again.

On a totally different note, I had an epiphany the other day. I was explaining my digestive reactions to gluten to Circus’s mom and I realized that the reactions started pretty quickly upon returning to America. I had lived and traveled in Asia for near three years and ate primarily Asian style foods with a healthy dose of daily metabolic enhancers (seaweed, green tea, kimchi). Then I came back to the states and started reacting to gluten within 6 months. I didn’t cut it out of my diet until February of 2012, nearly 10 months after returning, but it was immediately obvious that gluten was the source of my pains. So as I head back to the East I am hoping that my problems all go away! Either that the gluten in Asia is closer to the source, less/differently processed, or that the rest of my diet will create a better digestive environment for yummy things like Indian chapati, Thai roti, naan, parantha, Tibetan bread, su-jae-be, and Korean pa-jan and ho-ddeok.

Eureka! A Palm Tree and Thumbs Up

It's funny...I think to myself when I finally get to a land of internet-accessibility, of which I obviously currently find myself, that I "should" update my blog. Just because I can. From where does this sense of obligation come? From myself and my need to be "known" and "followed"? Perhaps. I believe we all have that need to be seen and known, and I admit that I am no exception. We all want to leave our mark. Another factor is certainly the people I know who are reading and, hopefully, enjoying my weekly updates about life and its inherent wisdom. I often start a visit to Blogger with a check of my viewing stats, which merely is to satisfy my ego and validate my simple existence through words. But it tells me people are reading, or else one person is logging on several times a day...I guess that is as likely as anything.

But to unpack the previous statement: "I 'should' update my blog." I let go of using the word 'should' many years ago. In fact, I believe I wrote an early blog post on that topic specifically. It's funny to feel obligation in the midst of freedom. Today was the first day I really felt the state of liberation that we find ourselves in. We met a very sweet couple yesterday while walking the docks and looking for a new sailboat to take us to San Francisco - story to come - who are rebuilding their sailboat after being caught in a gale a number of miles offshore and having to be towed in by the local Coast Guard. Specifically, I was reveling in the gratitude of being so unencumbered by a specific mode of transport that we own. As nice as it will be to own a sail boat and travel that way, I am grateful that we don't have that responsibility or financial investment now and can leave via plane, train, automobile, or seafaring vessel any time and any place.

So I guess I have finally arrived at feeling at home in my traveling shoes. And it feels comforting. Still being on US soil and waters, I'm not yet in that aforementioned state of getting used to another culture and language, but I'm beginning to get excited about that impending experience. Rebecca, the co-owner of said repair-sailing vessel, was asking me this morning about international travel and how to best approach new cultures. And I thought just a short moment and responded that humility and no expectations are the best approach. You will be humbled, not knowing the language or local customs, and you will be blown away by the kindness and generosity of locals wherever you land. We talked about surrendering to gratitude and accepting a hand from anyone who offers and how you need to lay down your fragile ego to move into that state. This couple has been helped by everyone who passes, including being given a new sail (!!!) by another boat in the marina. Rebecca also asked me to teach her boat yoga (a very specific art) and meditation before we head south tomorrow. And I am reminded that we are duty bound to cross paths with other unencumbered souls open to what the world holds in this particular moment.

So the story with our current travel situation: We arrived in Eureka, California yesterday morning with the early tide after an overnight journey from Brookings, OR. Our first Cali port! The Feral Soul is moving slower than our plane tickets will allow so we are parting ways with our kind hosts and looking for quicker transport to San Francisco. Circus has had a dream to sail under the Golden Gate Bridge for a very long time and so we will manifest that one way or another. Today we decided that we will either bus or hitchhike down the coastal highway tomorrow morning, either to Bodega Bay or San Francisco. If we get to Bodega Bay, we will find another boat to ride under the infamous Golden Gate, which is only 50 miles away. And if San Francisco is our land destination, we will bum around the docks and find a boat for a day sail before our plane to Chicago leaves Wednesday afternoon. We trust that all will be perfect, however it happens.

Oregon - Gone but not far

We thought an okay weather window was upon us as we left Gray's Harbor in Washington and sailed toward Newport, OR. The swell and and chop was far worse than we thought it would be, though, and after 24 hours of battling the Pacific we turned in for shore and ducked into Tillamook Bay in the town of Girabaldi for 2 nights. It turned out to be a very quaint and friendly town and we'd give it good reviews. When we left yesterday morning around 8am (early for us!) we thought - again - that we were headed into fairer seas and winds at our back. But the small low pressure system that was right offshore chased us south down the coast into Newport.

Coming out of Tillamoook Bay, the morning started off quiet for my 4-hour morning watch. Light fog and low clouds hugged the rocky Oregon coastline and we skimmed a glassy sea. All was quiet on the Feral Soul as we each tucked into a corner of the sailboat for personal time. I put on some Celtic music and meditated along as the sun threatened to be seen behind thinning clouds until mid-day. Sandy took over for her watch at noon and I laid down on the settee with a Buddhist book and eventually for a nap. When I awoke about an hour and a half later we were evading lightening, heavy rains, and much rougher seas. Nothing that our vessel can't handle, but not the sunny 70 degree weather we were expecting. Darn expectations - they'll get you every time! We keep saying that farther south will be better but thus far we're still in the Northwest for sure. Fortunately, my sea-legs and sea-stomach are getting stronger and the ocean swell is slowly becoming a comfort. 

With the pace we're on figured we'll make it to San Francisco or a little ways south and not all the way to San Diego. So we bought plane tickets to leave SF on the Sept 18th for Chicago where we'll stay for a week with Circus's family. Hopefully we'll have a few days to spend with friends fam in California.

This transition of being "gone" for me is a strange one. Usually when I move away or take off for a long trip there is at least a time difference - if not a great distance - between where I've been and where I'm going. Maybe I'm used to the buffer of comfort in being in a totally different culture with constant acclimation and newness to distract me from feelings of home- (or other place) -sickness. But with a week + of bumming through coastal towns and minimal distractions on the boat, I allow myself no choice to be present with what is. And 'what is' is a mix of contentment, sadness, dull excitement, some residual sea-sickness and achy-ness from boat travel, and hope that I'm headed down the right path.

Often when there are periods of quiet and introspection, little sprouts of doubt and fear creep in trying to disguise themselves as caution and rationality. Fortunately I've learned to recognize their stories - which are based on distrust of the ability to flow with the waters of life and accept what is given - as just stories and not listen hard enough to change my course. I think I still have some trouble with just enjoying life when it's not directly benefiting a big community or working towards some life changing goal. For all that I teach about finding balance and the necessary beauty of play, I apparently still have some negative self-talk here! And for this and many other reasons, I still practice every day as diligently as travel allows. I find in my meditation more space to accept the places I am growing and integrating, and the clarity to see the small strides that I make every day. Those little negative voices tend to recede when I don't feed them and my practice lays the tracks that I prefer to be my habitual mind-speak.  Namely, presentness and a mind less distracted by negative talk and self-doubt.

I found a book called 'Money, Sex, War, Karma' by David R Loy at a bookshop before I left and it's relevance in my life right now makes me smile. It's about how the spiritual path doesn't give us permission to sit quietly and "be spiritual" but instead holds us accountable to our actions and our every day impact. Rising consciousness hopefully inspires us to understand more macro-cosmically how every thought, word, and deed has an impact on our community of human beings and our Mother Earth. We get to make moment by moment choices about how to relate to people, where to put our money and our energy, and how all this effects our smaller and wider world. I guess one of the reasons I like traveling is the tangibility with which I see those effects. And the moment-to-moment impermanence that is living out of a backpack.

Lastly, I've been musing over my life-long discomfort with living in the place I was born. I don't know where this seed came from, but I've always had a gnawing little voice that said if I stay in Seattle my whole life - or even come back there to live long-term - I am a failure. I know that is a big, fat lie and probably even hurtful to my friends and family in Seattle. It's certainly not a judgement that I impose on anyone else. In my current musings, I identify this as my silly little ego. This past few years in my hometown has convinced me that a life in Seattle is just as noble as a life on the road or anywhere else and hopefully has laid rest to that voice of insecurity and personal judgment.

Today we sit in Newport to provision for the next leg, perhaps to Coos Bay and then to California. The rains have stopped and the skies are gray with touches of blue as I watch the rolling ocean waves outside the jetty that our boat is safely tucked behind. It's nice to have times of calm mixed with days of excitement. The days of integration are important for me to process and be still, and to communicate with you. And the days of excitement are awesome! You'll see some photos on facebook posted by Circus Maximus and Sandy Melland. Gratitude for all of it and for my patient, kind and fun-loving travel companions.

2013 Adventure - the 1st post

Wednesday 8/28 - Key Liberation Day

Those who know me know that my favorite day of travel is the day I get rid of my keys. That day happened on Tuesday when Circus and I relinquished our last possessions, including a Ford Explorer and Yamaha Virago Motorcycle - that we are still selling via friends. We are officially vagabonds once more, following our hearts to the ends of the earth. It was such a whirlwind of frenetic packing, purging, cleaning, and goodbyes that I honesty am just beginning to feel the emotional reality of leaving. I have yet to have a big, long cry, which is certainly coming. I am really enjoying and valuing being able to be close to Circus again without the pull of a million different things. In the harried few weeks we left ourselves no time to just be. And as hard as that was, there was blue sky on the other side, a light at the end of the tunnel. And here we sit in the tunnel with nothing to do but wait out the seas.

Friday 8/30 - Hurry up and Wait!

Today is our 3^rd day on the Feral Soul, the 47’ sailing vessel that we are crewing down the West Coast. We arrived here Tuesday evening and have been waiting out the weather in Neah Bay, a somewhat derelict marina on the northwest tip of the US. Good weather patterns are moving in today and we’re planning to leave in the next 24 hours for our first cruise in the ocean. Duane and Sandy, the ship’s owners, are cutting their northwest ties bound for San Diego and then the world. We’re pretty excited to be aboard their beautiful boat.   

Last night I had a gluten reaction, nausea and abdominal cramping, and the exhaustion of that made me nearly release some of those aforementioned emotions. Too tired to hold them in. I have fallen into “boat time” again very quickly, time that simultaneously stretches into forever and passes too quickly to grasp. Before you know it it’s 2pm and you haven’t eaten anything. Or there’s the list of 5 things you needed to get done and it’s already 7pm. But there is also endless time to smell the ocean, dance in the rain (or sit in the covered cockpit) eat and drink your pleasure and share childhood stories. We’ve had a few of those late mornings and late nights with Duane and Sandy already and many more will unfold with the swell of the ocean waves and – hopefully – the wind at our back.

Many have reminded us lately that it’s not the destination, it’s the journey. We’ve tried to keep that in mind with the journey of packing and moving and all the steps to getting here. It certainly feels like we’re letting time unfold as it will,  not trying to control it. With the exception of a few plane tickets, we’ve got nowhere to be and nothing to do. Which leaves us free to go everywhere and do everything!

Monday 9/2 – Grey’s Harbor, WA

We sailed out of Neah Bay on Friday early afternoon in a bit of a rush after the weather man told us the time was right. So we hurried to do last minute preparations on the boat and pulled out of the dock around 12:30pm. It was our first ocean voyage and the weather was pretty agreeable with relatively calm seas and only 4 or 5 hours of fog. There was no wind to speak of and we had to motor the 22 hours to Grey’s Harbor, but on Saturday around mid-day we slalomed through the mass of fishing boats into the marina with crystal clear blue skies and good spirits. I got a bit seasick during our first passage and suffered a day of acclimation and total exhaustion the rest of the day Saturday and half of Sunday. It passed, thankfully, after about 24 hours of sleep and being kind to my belly. We were going to leave for Newport, OR, our next leg, yesterday morning but were advised from our weather counsel to hold tight and wait for the slow-moving low pressure system to move through. So yesterday was a lazy day at port of napping, snacking, and walks to the beautiful sandy beach. As my mom would say, “It’s good to be us!” We figured on sailing down to Newport this morning but it looks like 50+ mile/hr winds are waiting for us offshore so we’re consulting our weatherman before we pull ties at Gray’s Harbor. Hopefully we’ll be in Californian weather soon and won’t have to wait for this Washington weather any more.

After a few days I’ve resettled into my practice. It’s always interesting navigating a new space and new “family.”  My intention is to get up a half hour earlier which will give me plenty of time to meditate in the morning although I’ve managed a practice the past few days. I usually head towards bed first so I’m alone in our roomy V-Birth with time to sit alone at the close of the day as well. And when we’re docked and it’s not pouring, I’ve found a few times to do an afternoon hatha practice which is necessary on a weary body. Time and time again I realize just how important that routine of my daily practice is and I have forgiven myself for the day or two it takes to find affirming routine in a new space. The Feral Soul is our home for about 2 more weeks and we’re all intending to make it to San Diego in that time. And our hosts are kind and accommodating and very relaxed, albeit careful with our lives and the fate of the boat under way.