We all grieve in the same language

Today I remembered that, no matter where one goes, we're all just people. We all feel, we all experience new challenges, we all laugh, celebrate big moments, and we all grieve. Wednesday evening I received a phone call from a co-worker telling me that my former co-teacher of 1 1/2 years was no longer with us. My bereaved friend could hardly speak, let alone articulate the situation in English. In shock, I walked up 2 flights of stairs and knocked on Cindy's door, unable to process the news myself. While Cindy finished a long-distance phone call, I sat on her bed in stillness. After 5 minutes, Cindy hung up the phone, asked me "what's wrong", and I fell apart. No one told me the details of Kee Jeong's death, but I could only assume that it was the 3rd leading cause of death for Korean women: suicide. Cindy and I cried together for a while, then I went back to my room and fell into a troubled sleep. Thursday morning I awoke, a bit foggy, got ready for school and was about to walk out the door when I realized where I was going: to the classroom Kim Kee Jeong and I shared. She designed it, we took turns napping on the sofa, we shared intimate conversations, tears, so much laughter, and a common passion to teach children. The tears flowed freely as I remembered Kee Jeong's compassion and love and her giving spirit. She is the reason I fell so easily into teaching here, why I made friends with my co-workers so easily, her praise won us both extra teaching jobs, trainings, and competitions. This continued for the 30-minute drive to work and I finally pulled it together as I entered my school. But walking into the staff room, I found Choi Yoo Jin, the teacher who called me the previous night, and all it took was a glance to break down again. Yoo Jin and I started teaching in Korea on the same day almost 2 years ago. Kee Jeong showed us around the school, introduced us to other teachers, problem-solved, tutored, and mentored us as first-time Korean elementary school teachers. During the 2009 school year, the three of us were the English department. We went on school field trips together, out to dinner, on girl-scout trips, and to concerts. It is impossible to think of my time in Korea without thinking of Kee Jeong.

After school, I was invited to join the wake at Kee Jeong's Catholic Church with other teachers & staff. I gave the customary monetary donation to the family and payed my respects to an altar of flowers and her picture. I cried with her sister and prayed with my fellow teachers, ate rice and seaweed soup, and saw many other teachers from other schools who I have taught with or met through Kee Jeong. Even though I don't know the funeral customs in Korea or of Korean Catholics, I found that I felt the same as those grieving for a close friend beside me. I didn't need to saw anything, nor did they.

So the biggest question is: what happened? Why is she gone? I don't know. The general assumption seems to be that she took her own life because of the pressures and stress of being a 35 year old, unmarried, elementary school head-teacher. Although that may seem extreme to an onlooker, the stress here is like nothing I've ever experienced. It can be constant, continuous, and never-ending. As a yogi, I believe that we have the ability to create our reality and our reactions. I know Kee Jeong did her best to find happiness. She had a great Catholic faith and deep devotion to God. We talked for hours about being happy, about letting things go and not trying to control the uncontrollable things in life. I know about a lot of the pressures she felt, though surely not all. I also knew that as a world traveler, she had a hard time justifying the "Korean-style" pain she constantly felt. What I don't know is at what point it just became too much.

There are three things I will take away from this tragic day. One is a very real perspective of the suicide rate in Korea which was documented as 26 out of 100,000 people in 2008 and is increasing exponentially. The second is the fact that we're all just people and, no matter your culture, your ethnicity, or your background, we are all connected. No one I know better lived this than Kim Kee Jeong, a beautiful, compassionate soul who accepted and loved every person she met with equanimity. Finally, and most importantly, Kim Kee Jeong will inspire me to continue traveling and meeting new people and to share the enormous love she gave so freely to me and everyone.

Han-guk Dentistry

I think I've mentioned it before, but Korean dental care deserves a post of its own. The thing you should know if you haven't lived in Korea is that dental care is very hit-or-miss. There's a national problem currently receiving governmental attention that a lot of dentists here are fraudulent, overcharge, and WAY over diagnose dental work. Being American, it doesn't surprise me to hear that any doctor would try to make extra money, but it's definitely become a cause for alarm amongst Koreans and foreigners residing in Dae-ha-min-guk. There are horror stories of people being told they have 10-15 cavities, that they need thousands of dollars (hundreds of thousands of won) worth of dental work, that patients are in grave danger if they don't get said work done, etc, etc. I've also heard horror stories of patients receiving inadequate or inappropriate care, not getting proper anesthetic, you get the idea. HOWEVER, this post is not about these issues. This post is about my dentist and what I think the intent of the Korean dental system is.

I found my dentist recommended on a few websites for Jeju foreigners about 6 months ago. Again, being American, I have not had adequate health insurance since I finished university and, therefore, not had regular dental care. I put off going for the 1st year I was here, but finally sucked up my fears and procrastination and went during my February vacation. I don't actually know my dentist's name, but I believe his family name is Lee so we'll call him Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee started by giving me an x-ray and detailing - in very nice English - the work he think I needed including extraction of wisdom teeth, replacement of old amalgam fillings, and new teeth that needed fixing. We talked a lot about the different kinds of filling material, the costs with health insurance, the pain of treatments, etc. That day I ended with a tooth cleaning and the total cost including x-rays was around 60,000won ($60). The cleaning is actually not covered my insurance, but practically everything else is. In the past 5 months I've had all but 1 old filling removed, the new cavities drilled, one root canal and crown, and all new resin (the clear kind) fillings. The cost of each filling is 70,000won and that is because I opt for stronger resin fillings instead of amalgam (the silver kind which would cost me $5 each). The root canal was less than $100 total (over 5 appointments) and the crown cost $350. (Actually less since the won isn't as strong as the round dollar equivalent.) I've never waited more than 10 minutes, never had an appointment longer than 40 min, and never had more pain than an anesthesia injection. Three or four cavities were filled without anesthesia, in fact, and there was absolutely no pain.

So what prompts this cheery post today? Well, I've been milling over the wisdom teeth extraction since that initial visit in February. I've been wary to have the teeth taken out because of some re-constructive jaw surgery I had in my teens and the metal pins that are still embedded in my jaw. Dr. Lee noted my concern and offered to send my x-rays and his recommendation to me via email so I could contact my dentist at home and discuss the necessity of said treatment. So obviously, he's not trying to pull anything over on me. Plus, I can tell that the wisdom teeth are crowding the already unstable environment in my jaw and that they should come out. Preferably sooner than later. So today I finally made the decision to have them removed before I leave in late August. I had a follow-up appointment scheduled after last week's periodontal treatment and I agreed that the teeth would, indeed, be coming out. So Dr. Lee says, "Okay. We'll give you an anesthetic and then you need to wait 10 minutes for it to take affect." "I'm sorry? Right now? We're pulling it right now?" "Sure. There will be no discomfort and no interruption to your daily routine. Can you come in tomorrow for a follow-up?" "Uh..okay. How much will it cost?" "Oh, maybe 15,000won ($15) or less. It's very cheap with health insurance." "Right." 15 minutes later I left with a prescription for a mild pain-killer and anti-biotic (which cost me $2.30), a hole in my wallet of $6.30 for the tooth extraction, and an English letter detailing the possible side effects of the procedure.

I'm baffled by the simplicity of this system.

Maybe it's this easy at home if you have the right insurance and a doctor you trust, but to me it seems I've hit the dental jackpot. My co-teacher today was saying that people throughout Asia come to Korea to get their dental work done. Even with no health insurance it's still remarkably inexpensive and, well, easy.

So I'm gnawing at a piece of gauze, anesthetic 90% worn off, about to take said pills and eat my dinner of baked french fries (I thought soft would be good for the teeth, but apparently I'm allowed to eat normally 2 hours after the extraction). Just FYI, the second tooth is slightly impacted so there will be a small amount of surgical work to pull it out. I was told today by Dr. Lee that this will take a 30 minute appointment. And probably also cost less than $10.

There are a lot of things about "the Korean system" that drive me up the wall. I'll tell you about them someday if you want to hear. But this one, when done the way it was intended, is pretty awesome. If you live in Jeju - or even if you're visiting and in need of some dental work - go see my dentist. It's the Yein Dental Clinic on the 3rd floor next to Emart in Shin Jeju. I don't think I ever left a dentist happy before, but here I do every time. That is certainly a credit to Dr. Lee.

Follow-up 8/22: I had the 2nd tooth removed last Monday. It was as quick and painless as the first, healed in a week and cost 22,000won (about $20). I may just fly back to Korea every year for my dental work. It'll probably be cheaper than seeing a dentist in America.

In the moment

My goal for the summer: More of this! Cindy & I lounging at a new wine bar

In a surprising free 2 hours this morning, I will finally update my long absent blog. Time is slipping away faster than I can express. The past few months have been busy and stressful but wonderful. My community yoga class suddenly came to a halt 2 weeks ago as our space changed ownership and we were asked to leave within a week. It was not unexpected; we just thought we had a few more weeks. Yesterday I taught my last Korean yoga class to parents from my school and now my after-school obligations are finished. It feels good to have some evening free time and to have the free time at school that the final days always bring. First semester ends on July 21st but I have agreed to continue teaching from 3-5pm to my after-school students through August 20th. I am supposed to "be at school" anyway to fulfill contractual obligations, so at least I'm getting paid for it. Most of my friends are staying in Jeju next year which means they will take the long vacation in August and be leaving at the end of July. Jason will also be departing Jeju at the end of July so there will be numerous upcoming goodbyes. I'm very good at avoiding goodbyes, but I think it will be inevitable here. There are a few people I will see again, but many who will continue on their own journeys and whose paths I won't likely cross down the road. Most of that will be out of the way at the end of July, though, which leaves August for camping, beaching, and enjoying Jeju (and a little working). And, of course, packing, shipping, selling, donating, and getting rid of the stuff I've accumulate in 2 years. I plan to travel light into my big trip.

And here it is, the big trip:
(plane tickets have yet to be purchased, but here's how I'm laying it our for myself)
8/26-9/3 - A relaxing week in Japan with Cindy & Julia
9/3-9/5 - Back to Jeju to pick up trekking gear and say a final few goodbyes
9/5-9/11 - Up to Seoul, getting visas, seeing some friends
9/12-10/12 - Nepal: yoga & trekking with 2 Jeju friends
10/12-10/22 - Sightseeing in Rajasthan & Uttar Pradesh, India with a Seattle friend
10/22-11/7 - volunteering in Meghalaya, Northeastern India
11/7-12/7 - Ashram stays in Rishikesh, Northwestern India (billed as the "yoga capital of the world")
12/7-12/21 - Ashram stay in Kerala, Southwestern India
12/21-1/1 - "Christmas Vacation" - relaxing in Thailand
1/3-end of March 2011 - Yoga Teacher Training at Agama Yoga in Koh Phangan, Thailand

I've had 2 realizations as of late: The first being that I should really take advantage of every minute of being in Jeju and the second being that I should really let myself relax more and not feel so much obligation. The realization I have not had is how to balance those two. Being present, or being "in the moment" is always my goal, but, naturally, it's difficult when there is so much to plan and prepare and I'm constantly thinking about one thing or another. I'm sure this sounds familiar to you, dear readers, it's something we all struggle with. So I'm trying to stop using the word "should". I really shouldn't do anything. If I want to do something or I have to do something, I will. If I don't want to or I don't have to, I won't.

Case in point: I had decided about a month ago that I would stop studying Korean at the beginning of July because it takes up time I could be doing other things. Plus I don't really need to learn any more Korean since I'm leaving. However, last week I was introducing an American friend to my Korean study friends to match-make a new language exchange, and we all had such a great time hanging out and studying together that I've decided to continue studying. It's not that I feel I should, I've let that go. I just want to because I enjoy being around my friends and I enjoy speaking Korean. Once I let go of the notion that I "should" be studying, I no longer felt guilty making the decision one way or another.

The harder case: Do I want to continue studying yoga in Korea? Every time I think about going to a yoga class, I immediately think I "should" go. Not that I want to go or it would make me happy. The particular style of yoga that I practice here is centrally focused on back bending. I like back bending, but it puts a lot of stress on my shoulders and neck and I'm still healing those areas. There's also the Korean aspect that we should all be able to do the same things which makes it difficult to say to a teacher, "I can't". It's a cultural difference between Korea and every other country where I've studied yoga. And the language barrier makes that all the more difficult. Sometimes I leave the practice feeling refreshed and relaxed, and sometimes I leave feeling horrible, judgmental, and upset. But I just can't let go of the notion that I "should" be going to classes because of the unique experience of these teachers in Jeju and the fact that I'd like to be doing yoga everyday, especially now that I'm not teaching anymore. There is the fact that I'm headed into 7 months of introspection and yoga study which might make me feel better about not practicing now. But this is all based around the notion of what I feel I should or should not be doing.

This is such a good example of one of the fundamental Buddhist concepts: suffering. Buddhists and Yogis believe that suffering is something we create in our minds. Suffering is not what happens to us but our reactions to it. The way another person treats me does not create suffering, how I feel about it and how I react is what makes me unhappy. My feelings and reactions exist because of all my past interactions and relationships. Suffering is not something that happens to us but it is a choice we (usually unconsciously) make. The first step to eliminating this suffering is simply being aware of what our mind is doing. So that's where I am, seeing what's happening and trying to accept that I'm making myself feel bad (without making myself feel worse by judging myself!) Acceptance. That will be my goal for the remainder of my Jeju life.

I'd love to give you a recap of events in the last 2 months, but I honestly can't remember what I've been doing. Working a lot, teaching yoga, hiking oreums, drinking tea with friends, going to the beach. The biggie was the 2nd Women's Yoga Retreat (click here for pictures) that I led a few weekends ago. We had 22 beautiful participants and we all worked hard, endured the monsoon weather, and did a lot of yoga. And now I'm looking ahead, but still trying to stay in the moment, each moment.

Study partners & great friends: Ran Hee, So Hyeong, Rebekah & Eu Ddeum